just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I will die if light touches me.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
