It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
