I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
