I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
