pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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