I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
