I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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