I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
