Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
