We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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