Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
