After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
