Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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