he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize