My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
