he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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