I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
