when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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