i think my tv is drunk
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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