I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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