What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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