Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
