I am puke
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
