I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize