Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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