definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize