i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
