is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
