Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
