You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
