it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
