I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
