Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
