i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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