Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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