I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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