I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
