Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
