but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize