I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
