you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize