Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
