he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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