Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
