is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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