Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
