Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I deserve this hangover.
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