Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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