do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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