a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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