thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
