You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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