There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
