Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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