HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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