dude i'm inner monologue high
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Sober January is a disaster.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
