Quick, to the slutcave!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize