I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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