With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We're too hungover to prance.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
