I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
