My first STD was from a foam party
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
