so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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