I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You're so nebulous sometimes
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
