Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
