i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
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