This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
