Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
