What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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