Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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