I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
