He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
