You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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