He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
