new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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