Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
