Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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