guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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