ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
