He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
