Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
