I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
