so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
