NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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