I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
