I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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