I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
