Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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