It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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