Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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