Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
