I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The air taste purple.
Randomize
