Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
