I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize