Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
