The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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