Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
vagina is talking i cant
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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